You can't be serious...?

So we have multiple working crews here to work on one of the large warehouse stores around here. It's getting a "facelift." Well the newest crew is here to do tile. The majority of them are annoying as shit- in particular this one big dopey looking guy. Well, he came up to my desk close to the end of my shift Friday morning. Dopey comes up to the desk and says he hasn't had housekeeping services for the past two days and wanted a bath towel. He then asks me to have housekeeping either A) clean the room while he is sleeping. Or B) wake him up so they can clean the room. WTF MAN. I just wanted to yell "Go be stupid somewhere else!!" at him

Fat Momma III

So ends the saga of Fat Momma and her Fat Son. I decided to stop in at the hotel around 10:40am or so (the hotel's check out time is 11am). My fill-in auditor, Janes, was working A-shift so Bloom could spend Easter with her family. I walked into the hotel to see a large woman sitting on one of our fancy chairs (that are usually in the corner of the lobby by the front door) about two feet from the front desk. She gives me a weird look, but whatever. Janes immediately calls me behind the desk to assist him with something our part time auditor forgot to do.

Fat Momma was very, very short- probably around the 250-300lbs bracket but the weird thing is that most of her girth was all in her stomach. Fucking weird. I tried not to stare. So I just tried to ignore her presence.

After she and her stinky large son left- I talked to Janes about what just happened. I was told she was sitting because she didn't want to stand to check out. And after Janes finished his line of people checking out he turned back to face Fat Momma... She didn't even know why she was sitting there anymore. I'm so glad I didn't work that morning.

The weekend breakfast bar attendant filled me on on what happened when Fat Momma came down to pig out. The BBA (breakfast bar attendant) ended up waiting on Fat Momma hand and foot.. Our breakfast is self serve, by the way. Fat Momma consumed (inhaled?) an entire plate of bacon, a plate of eggs, two cinnamon rolls and some other crap I cannot remember. She then tests her blood sugar- in the breakfast bar. We have a class act, ladies and gents. But the best part of all is that she leaves the DIRTY NEEDLE on the fucking table.

I was also told the last night of her stay she complained that the coffee pot wasn't working- so housekeeping took up a different one. And she also ordered a pizza that evening and then complained to Janes that the pizza was terrible... Like it was totally our fault. Little do people know that all hotels have deals with all pizza places for the employees to spit in every pizza that is ordered to the property. (Kidding, but wishful thinking.) My other B-shifter told me that housekeeping found 7 pizza empty pizza boxes in their stinky cave of a room- all licked clean.

And here is the ending to the wallet story:
Later on the day the wallet was claimed stolen- Bloom and other employees saw Fat Son in the breakfast bar with his wallet.

If you're going to scam- atleast don't be a complete moron about it. Good riddance.

Fat momma- yet again.

So I wrote about that large woman yesterday.. I've decided to call her Fat Momma. She and her son decided to extend their stay through Sunday.. for the time being. I mentioned briefly in my previous post that Fat Momma and Fat Son have a distinct odor to them.. My A shifter, who I shall call Bloom, told me about them. She received numerous guest complaints about the elevator and hallways smelling like a mix of corpse, rotten egg, and ass. We have to spray down the areas with our heavy duty air freshener every time they pass.

One of our housekeepers went up to clean the Fat room but couldn't due to the smell being so strong it made her nauseous. So we got two other housekeepers to double up and clean the room. They did, and then went back to their duties.

So the first housekeeper is cleaning the room next door to Fat Momma's room and then Fat Momma cranes her fat head out of her door and asks the housekeeper if she saw a black wallet in the room- Fat Son immediately starts to ask "What wallet?" but Fat Momma tells him to shut up. The housekeeper told her "No ma'am" and that she hadn't seen a wallet and then rushed down stairs immediately to tell the Boss Lady about what happened.

After Bloom was done telling me this story I made a bet with her that the next incident involving Fat Momma and/or Fat Son will be a bathroom one. More so of a tub incident.

Herpes just keeps coming back.

Here is another story about one of my creepy old man admirers. I've decided to call him Herpes. Like I've stated in the previous post- he is just like herpes.. You want him to leave, but he just keeps coming back.

He appeared again on a few days ago. He came past the desk about four times during my shift- luckily I was busy each time so he didn't hang around. All creepy-like.

I have a few days off, and send the A shift a text message on his day of departure asking if Herpes was leaving that day. A shift replied back with an "Are you kidding? Of course not." Luckily I didn't work that night. I came in the next night hoping he was all long gone by then.. Of course not. Great. The B shift then warns me that he was asking about me. I had learned through my coworkers he has been getting pictures taken with the staff. My response to that is: HELL NO. I'd rather have pens shoved in my eyes and every orifice in my body before I'd let that happen. Or have major surgery without any anesthetic. Or be fucked in the ass every day for the rest of my life. With no lube.

For the first hour of my shift this creepy man will not leave the desk. I do some of my shift work, not making any eye contact with him, hoping he will just leave. He does not get the hint. He then lays his head down on the fucking counter, just staring at me. I, still refusing to look at him, tell him to go to bed since he's tired. His response was that "then he couldn't see me" and he "likes flirtin' wit me" .... Gross. Fucking gross.

A guest then checks in and heads to his room. Herpes then starts talking about the pictures he took of his disabled midget daughter with the rest of the staff and remarked he has not got one of me yet. I politely told him I do not do pictures. He smiled like I was some stupid thing that did not know what I was talking to and said "Of course you do!" He then walked back towards his room as two of my regulars showed up- one was left to check in. I checked in Mr. Regular and was just chatting with he and my other regular as Herpes showed back up with a camera. He had also dragged his midget disabled daughter all the way out from his room and into the lobby. This happened a bit after midnight, mind you.

I told him the answer was still no. He still did not believe me so I had to adopt a very firm tone to my voice and told him I did not want my picture taken and that NO MEANS NO. He and his daughter slunk back off to their room. Honestly though, I probably would have agree to a picture with everyone else but his nasty ass.

I turned toward my two regulars, wrote "That guy creeps me out really bad" on a scrap of paper and placed it on the desk in front of my two regulars as Herpes walked away. I was not sure if Herpes was still able to hear me or not. They chuckled and said if I needed anything to give them a call. I thanked them and bid them a good night. One of the regulars decided to stay up late since he had to flip his sleep schedule for his current job so he kept coming out to the desk to chat. He had stopped out at about 2am and we heard a door open from the end of the hallway Herpes is staying at. Mr. Regular said he'd stay out here for a few minutes in case Herpes came back out.

Herpes did indeed come back out. It should also be noted that whenever he appears he goes outside to smoke. I wish they would just get a smoking room so I would not have to see his ugly face. Well anyway, Herpes saw Mr. Regular and then looked towards me- with an expression of "oh no I've been caught in the act!" on his ugly mug. He then scheduled a wake-up call and went back to his room. I did not hear his door close for about 5minutes. Creepy.

Luckily I didn't see him for the rest of the night and he left later in the morning.

I recorded all that happened involving my picture being taken in our log book and there was an anonymous reply underneath saying that he said he'll be back. Fuck.

This guy is like herpes- you want him to leave, but he keeps coming back.

Every so often (well, more common than I care to admit) I end up with these old men who are for whatever reason smitten by my charm. This guy was here for a funeral and kept going outside to smoke. I had joined him for a cigarette thinking he just wanted to talk. Big mistake. I absolutely loathe when old men hit on me. I just don't understand what makes these men think they're so suave to try to get a woman a third their age. I just don't.. understand. Anyway, it sickens me every time it happens. The first "racy" thing this old turd said was "If I wasn't so old- I'd be flirtin' wit ya" ...But he decided to flirt anyway. Gross. He would say shit like "I'm developing a crush on you" and blow kisses and shit. Uncool. He wanted to talk to be about the bible. And how it cures everything from leprosy to aids to newfaggotry. Fun.

The next day I had pulled a muscle in my lower back due to an unfortunate chair incident at my residence. Ever been in so much pain that you can do nothing but cry? Yeah, that was me. I came into work and just sat against the back of the wall behind the desk. He came down and was talking to my swing shift girl. (Works half of B shift and half of my shift on the weekends.) I was trying to ignore him, but he just would not let me be. Trying to pick on me.. What is it with men having to revert back to being nine years old when they try to flirt with a girl. Fuck that shit.

He was staying at the hotel with his wife and disabled daughter. You'd think that he was single and never made it with a woman. or a man by the way he acted towards me.. But- stranger things have happened. Their van broke down so they were stuck here a few more nights. Much to my displeasure.

I think you need to be demoted to a sippy cup.

An old lady was getting coffee and walked over to help her self to a cookie or twelve and somehow dropped her cup of coffee. It went everywhere, or at least all over the floor. The old lady said something along the lines of "WHOOPSADAISY" so freakin' loud and just stood there like a small child that just shat itself and stared at me. All would have been forgiven if she would have came up to the desk quietly and said she had spilled a cup of coffee. Bonus points if she would have asked for something to clean it up with herself. But no. She stared at me waiting for me to magic the spill away. Hag.