I don't understand.

I have had this person almost constantly in my head from the moment I started conversing with them- And I think I kind of hate them for being so interesting to me..

I have actually been missing out on sleep because I want to get up early and talk to them.

Damn you...


..I wish you'd get online.

Sleep? What's that? Also- Billing Nightmare.

Those who know you beloved anonymiss intimately know I have a shit low endurance to everything. Towards the end of this week I think I pushed myself a little too far.

The start:
2pm Thursday.

The end:
Around 1-1:30am Sunday morning.

All on 5hrs of sleep.

Towards the end of it I became very... lucid.. for a moment. Everything was so crazy clear, but I also realized I hated everything. /angst.

After a random call to a fellow anonymous auditor I went back to my room and passed out.

Until about 10am when housekeeping tried to come in to clean... I forgot to put my "Do Not Disturb" sign out! (Naughty me!) Luckily I had the bolt over the door or the poor maid would have witness a very nude anonymiss.

My adventure is not over though! Here is where the meat of the entry begins.. An hour and a half after waking Bloom calls my room to tell me she needs my help- she fucking up the billing on a room and doesn't know how to fix it. This in itself is so fucking weird because Bloom doesn't make mistakes. Ever. And she knows this and was rather frustrated and grumpy while I came to the rescue. There are two different fuck-ups I had to fix- so here's story A:

Just my luck it was Herpes' bill that was fucked up. I think it was doomed for failure since Friday night. I came in Thursday evening to BB telling me Herpes was coming back and he would be arriving at 3am.. Just fucking wonderful. I did my audit at around 1am.. For those who do not know the audit at a hotel is in a nutshell "ending today and starting tomorrow" posting charges on the rooms, resolving any mistakes, delivering bills under the guest's doors, other little shit details. Oh and making sure all of your credit cards are sent to our bank to be charged. A hotel does not charge the cards, it merely puts a "hold" on the amount. That is why it takes awhile for the charge to show up on your statements. Whenever someone checks in after audit we have to think differently in regards to billing you. Our software says it's the next business day so if you want to stay for more than one night your register card (The paper you sign at check in.) will say it is one date less.

Herpes wanted two nights. I checked him in the system for one night and collected cash for two nights. I hate taking cash, especially from his grubby hands. Though he was not as clingy this time. I posted the accommodation charges that would have been posted through audit and forgot about it. Friday night rolled around he wanted to stay another night. I had Swing (my swing shift worker who is here to assist on the weekends) take his money since I was preoccupied with something and the less I have to deal with Herpes, the better. Swing took his money and made two mistakes when it came to billing. The first mistake: posted it as an accommodation. The second mistake: posted the wrong amount. So we had to void out that accommodation charge for the wrong amount and then post the cash that he payed us as cash. Swing then decided we needed two separate windows in billing and moved the incorrect accommodation charges to the second window. I had hit the "I don't care anymore" point of exhaustion and just let her do whatever.

I didn't even think of the audit for Saturday night posting another accommodation charge in both windows for Herpes' billing. Bloom found it at check-out and didn't understand it and tried to negative it out and did a bunch of shit and then for some reason posted some small amount of "imaginary" cash. After I posted the accommodation adjusts to cancel out what she did it looks like he gave her a nickel. So when I checked Herpes out of the system I put that we refunded him a nickel to balance everything. It was a big head ache.

The second problem was just.. dumb. It was a bride and groom, they had their wedding party stay here. They paid cash when they checked out. For some reason Bloom posted the cash as a negative- it looked like we refunded them in cash. Then she accidentally charged their credit card. And the cherry is that for some reason she decided to post an accommodation adjust to cancel out the accommodation charges posted during the audit. I can't even begin to understand the motives behind all that. We got them fixed though.

Though Bloom does win points for wanting to learn how to audit and understand what the audit does for the hotel. And to understand the consequences that I have to deal with when she or any other shift makes a mistake and doesn't fix them.

Fat Momma III

So ends the saga of Fat Momma and her Fat Son. I decided to stop in at the hotel around 10:40am or so (the hotel's check out time is 11am). My fill-in auditor, Janes, was working A-shift so Bloom could spend Easter with her family. I walked into the hotel to see a large woman sitting on one of our fancy chairs (that are usually in the corner of the lobby by the front door) about two feet from the front desk. She gives me a weird look, but whatever. Janes immediately calls me behind the desk to assist him with something our part time auditor forgot to do.

Fat Momma was very, very short- probably around the 250-300lbs bracket but the weird thing is that most of her girth was all in her stomach. Fucking weird. I tried not to stare. So I just tried to ignore her presence.

After she and her stinky large son left- I talked to Janes about what just happened. I was told she was sitting because she didn't want to stand to check out. And after Janes finished his line of people checking out he turned back to face Fat Momma... She didn't even know why she was sitting there anymore. I'm so glad I didn't work that morning.

The weekend breakfast bar attendant filled me on on what happened when Fat Momma came down to pig out. The BBA (breakfast bar attendant) ended up waiting on Fat Momma hand and foot.. Our breakfast is self serve, by the way. Fat Momma consumed (inhaled?) an entire plate of bacon, a plate of eggs, two cinnamon rolls and some other crap I cannot remember. She then tests her blood sugar- in the breakfast bar. We have a class act, ladies and gents. But the best part of all is that she leaves the DIRTY NEEDLE on the fucking table.

I was also told the last night of her stay she complained that the coffee pot wasn't working- so housekeeping took up a different one. And she also ordered a pizza that evening and then complained to Janes that the pizza was terrible... Like it was totally our fault. Little do people know that all hotels have deals with all pizza places for the employees to spit in every pizza that is ordered to the property. (Kidding, but wishful thinking.) My other B-shifter told me that housekeeping found 7 pizza empty pizza boxes in their stinky cave of a room- all licked clean.

And here is the ending to the wallet story:
Later on the day the wallet was claimed stolen- Bloom and other employees saw Fat Son in the breakfast bar with his wallet.

If you're going to scam- atleast don't be a complete moron about it. Good riddance.

I just realized something!

Fat Momma has the same room the shit grenade had! Ahahahaha!

Fat momma- yet again.

So I wrote about that large woman yesterday.. I've decided to call her Fat Momma. She and her son decided to extend their stay through Sunday.. for the time being. I mentioned briefly in my previous post that Fat Momma and Fat Son have a distinct odor to them.. My A shifter, who I shall call Bloom, told me about them. She received numerous guest complaints about the elevator and hallways smelling like a mix of corpse, rotten egg, and ass. We have to spray down the areas with our heavy duty air freshener every time they pass.

One of our housekeepers went up to clean the Fat room but couldn't due to the smell being so strong it made her nauseous. So we got two other housekeepers to double up and clean the room. They did, and then went back to their duties.

So the first housekeeper is cleaning the room next door to Fat Momma's room and then Fat Momma cranes her fat head out of her door and asks the housekeeper if she saw a black wallet in the room- Fat Son immediately starts to ask "What wallet?" but Fat Momma tells him to shut up. The housekeeper told her "No ma'am" and that she hadn't seen a wallet and then rushed down stairs immediately to tell the Boss Lady about what happened.

After Bloom was done telling me this story I made a bet with her that the next incident involving Fat Momma and/or Fat Son will be a bathroom one. More so of a tub incident.

Full Moon- it figures.

So full moons.. Every hotel fears them- the night shift more than any other. I had retired FBI agent guest talk to me about studies they did about weird shit happening more often around the full moon.

This particular full moon I come into work to hear the 911 alert system going off (Whenever a guest dials 911 from their room- we at the front desk immediately know about it.) And when we receive the notice we have to immediately call the room.. If no answer- we have to physically go up to the room and make sure the guest in question is alright.

This story involves a woman and her son checking in. From what BB has told me they are homeless, and that the son creeped her out. It is kinda bad when BB gets creeped out because the crazy dude who had to be tasered in an earlier post did not creep her out. Weird, right?

They are both fat and smelly. The woman is about 5'5 and well over the 300lb mark. She had to take a rest in the breakfast bar before going to the elevator.

Well, she and he are in a room with two beds- somehow the woman falls and is unable to get up. Cue ambulance. The ambulance crew was amazingly cheerful and upbeat. I was rather surprised. They went upstairs.. Fucking BB would not watch the desk and let me go see fattie getting lifted to her feat. Damnit. The ambulance crew did a "lift & assist" and then went on their way. That is the only thing that happened that night too. Weird, eh?

I HATE ORANGE.

So I learned something new tonight. My coworker, The Bad B shifter (or BB for short), hates the color orange. And she absolutely hates that I have been using an orange highlighter to color our room charts for the past couple days. BB even expressed her hate of the color orange to our GM.. With all the shit BB screws up... She really has no right to complain about an orange highlighter.

Maybe her hate of that damned orange highlighter is the reason she did not color any of her check-ins today?