The most annoying guest I've ever dealt with..

Every business has "regulars," hospitality included. Most of our regulars will stay here for a business week and going back to their homes on the weekends. This tale is about a guest who has truly got under my skin.

This guest worked for a power company with a crew of men. Their job was to put up power lines. One of the guys I guess decided to take a liking to me. He showed this by never leaving me alone. Ever. He didn't bother me at first, I just dismissed him as a chatty guest. He was an old guy, in his 60's that seemed lonely and wanted to talk about the good old days. I was alright with that, I get talky guests every so often. Well, more often than not. Everything was fine until he decided to request something from me. That request was to wake him up every morning by going into his room, bringing him a cup of coffee and giving him a small nudge on the shoulder. I just laughed it off and went on with my day thinking all was fine until he asked again the next day. And the day after that. That continued on for almost a month. When he would make his stupid request I would reply with "The maintenance man will do it for you." (The maintenance man is an older guy also.) Or "The breakfast bar lady will." (The breakfast bar lady is 81.) When I would respond with that his face would turn all red and he would giggle and say "Noooo, it has to be you!" ... Perverted much? He followed me around like a lost puppy, even outside when I'd take a cigarette break.. He did not smoke mind you.

He eventually stopped with his creepy request but not before trying to touch me. I was walking around the lobby and he comes up to me so I ask him what happened to his crew (They leave before he does.) I asked if they leave without him because they don't like him. He then starts off with "THEY DON'T LIKE ME NO ONE LIKES ME I NEED A HUG" then reaches to me to hug me. I stammer with "I need to talk to the breakfast bar lady!" and book it across the lobby.

After these incidents he really begins to irritate me.. He is hanging off the desk every single morning and always asks how I am. I reply with "Tired." in hopes that the answer will make it go away. It does not work. In his mind I think that he believes I am not allowed to be tired ever, even though I work all night and he sees me at the end of my shift. I also believe he thinks that I was put on this planet to provide entertainment for him. He will stand at my desk looking like shit every morning (eyes all red, hair uncombed and just crappy looking) waiting for me to make conversation. I'm sorry, that's not part of my job description.

One morning he came up to the desk to annoy the hell out of me.. The scene went like so:

Me wrist deep in paperwork.
Old Guy hanging off the desk: Whats the weather today?
Me: I'm sorry, I haven't had a chance to watch it yet but if you turn around the forecast is on the tv right now.
Old Guy: I DONT WANT TO TURN MY HEAD AROUND.
Me: Well, so be it, sir.

Later on in the evening he came into the hotel around 11pm (Mind you he gets up at 5:30am). I was BS'ing with a guest and Old Guy stomps into the breakfast bar, then to the lobby. He says in the whiniest voice, "I'M HUUUUNNNGGRRRYYYYY!!" by the tone of his voice he expecting me to instantly drop everything I'm doing, and go back to the kitchen and make him food despite it not being within the operating hours for the breakfast bar. I told him that Mcdonalds and the local gas station were still open. He retorted with "I knew you'd say that!" I then asked him if he was psychic- to which he said "No. I knew you'd say that just like I knew you'd tell me to turn my head around this morning." I told him I was sorry and that I would have known the weather that morning but people kept talking to me and I didn't get a chance to watch it. He got an offended expression, said it was nice talking to me then went off to bed. He let me alone for the rest of the week! It was the best week ever.

That week of awesome went by quickly and Old Guy resumed his duty of hanging off the desk. Tuesday morning my fiance came in to keep me company. I was hoping his presence would keep Old Guy away. The A shift came in early to relieve me as I was not feeling well. She was talking to my Fiance and the executive housekeeper and Old Guy as I was running around collecting my belongings. I heard the A shift carrying on loudly about my engagement as I was in the back room- I really wish I could have been out there to see Old Guy's reaction. My fiance told me about it after work and it just.. made all the crap I've gone through worth it. It wasn't anything drastic.. Just a subtle change in expression.

I should probably tell you he expression that he always has whenever at the desk- ever go to a strip club and see the one old guy who you know hasn't seen any action in years in front of some young chick shaking her goods? Ever notice outer parts of their eyebrows are always raised and they have that creepy perv grin? That expression of "Ooh! She's going to invite me in the back room and give me a happy ending!" Yeah, that's the expression Old Guy has every time he's at the desk.

The A shift goes on about my engagement and Old Guy takes a step back from the desk and tilts his head down, staring at the ground. His eyebrows relaxed- he went from an expression of "EHEHEHEHEHE EVERY WOMAN WANTS ME" to "I'm a sad old man" Booyah. I won.

The last two nights of his stay, after he found out I was engaged- he started showing up at the desk at around 1am (mind you he gets up at 5:30am. I know this because I have to double check that wake-up call every night.) The first night he showed up he decided to tell me about how the waitresses at a local restaurant recommended a bar for him. I shut down the conversation by telling him I couldn't be paid enough to drink in this sorry town. He got that same offended look and went to bed. He didn't speak to me at all in the morning. Score!

The final night he stopped at the desk briefly to tell me he had been up drinking (Like I should be impressed?) and made a joke about "no rest for the wicked." - I told him "Why do you think I'm always up?" He asked me to change his wake-up call to 6am. He showed up in the lobby in his pajamas. How trashy is that? He got coffee and just groaned around looking like crap and scratching himself. How classy. The A shift showed up so I pretended to look busy when he came up, went into the back room for a bit and then booked it out of the hotel without having to say good bye to the jerk. I hope I never see his wrinkled face ever again.