Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Get a smoking room next time!

i've been having to stay late on weekends due to a series of meetings our hotel has been having. So I have just been chilling at the hotel instead of going home. The meetings are scheduled about 4 hours after my shift ends- what's the point in going home and wasting the gas when I'll just get tired and not want to attend the meeting. So I've been bumming around the hotel.

Well a few weekends ago there was a bit of an uproar in housekeeping over one of the non smoking rooms smelling strongly of marijuana. The desk got pretty concerned as the room was a connecting room and the adjoining room was occupied last night.

Housekeeping later discovered the other room had put a towel up to the adjoining door, this alerted the desk to a possible future complaint, so we held a room under the inn in case the guests in the adjoining room complained and wanted to change rooms. Luckily they didn't smell a thing and had put the towel there to block the light that was coming from under the door.

We were talking about charging the smoker a deep cleaning fee when I decided to look on our guest in house list to see who was in there that night. I did a double take when I saw the name- it was one of our regulars! This struck me as hilarious as the B shift will notice the smell of pot on his breath.. Often. (I don't smell our guests.) I am pretty sure Mr. Regular has been staying with us since we opened and he is one of the sweetest, most understanding guests we have.

Anyway, to wrap things up- we decided not to charge him, or mention the whole ordeal to him as it would be quite embarrassing for him. Though from now on we will always ask if he would like a smoking room.

Yet another shitty story

Here is another shitty story.

Ever notice how when a story starts out with "So there was this 400lb woman.." it's definitely not going to be boring!

This happened the spring awhile ago if I am not mistaken. There was this very old, very large (approx 400lbs) in a wheelchair. She and some family members were staying in a non smoking room with two beds. They were here for about three nights. They didn't want housekeeping the entire time- so gross for them, good for housekeeping. The housekeepers on 2nd floor would find sheets missing off their cards while they were on break.

Housekeeping was checking the halls for linens from stayovers and came across a plastic bag of our sheets tied up and placed outside that room The housekeeping girl brought the bag downstairs and began to pull the sheets out, only to make a horrible discovery. The sheets were covered in shit. The housekeeping girl bellyached until the Head of Housekeeping decided to just throw them away.

Well, the large woman checked out. Nothing was said. Housekeeping gets into the room.. Oh man, it was terrible. There was poop EVERYWHERE. (I was off that day, but housekeeping described it to me so I will tell you exactly how it was described to me. Hehe.)

"There was shit EVERYWHERE, Anonymous!! There was shit in the bed, on the bed, beside the bed. (continue the in, on and beside for every item in the room)"

It was like the woman was a shit grenade.

The best part is that one of the desk staff promised them a suite next time they returned. Yeah, they're so not getting that.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Phone Calls - 4

So I was just in the bathroom and the phone rings.

Anon: Ugh. Great.
Anon: *gives spiel*
Guy: Uh-oh! I'm sorry! I have the number! Sorry sorry sorry! *rambles*
Anon: Oh. It's all good dude.
Guy: Sorry! I'm just really horny!
Anon: Ewwwww.

The most annoying guest I've ever dealt with..

Every business has "regulars," hospitality included. Most of our regulars will stay here for a business week and going back to their homes on the weekends. This tale is about a guest who has truly got under my skin.

This guest worked for a power company with a crew of men. Their job was to put up power lines. One of the guys I guess decided to take a liking to me. He showed this by never leaving me alone. Ever. He didn't bother me at first, I just dismissed him as a chatty guest. He was an old guy, in his 60's that seemed lonely and wanted to talk about the good old days. I was alright with that, I get talky guests every so often. Well, more often than not. Everything was fine until he decided to request something from me. That request was to wake him up every morning by going into his room, bringing him a cup of coffee and giving him a small nudge on the shoulder. I just laughed it off and went on with my day thinking all was fine until he asked again the next day. And the day after that. That continued on for almost a month. When he would make his stupid request I would reply with "The maintenance man will do it for you." (The maintenance man is an older guy also.) Or "The breakfast bar lady will." (The breakfast bar lady is 81.) When I would respond with that his face would turn all red and he would giggle and say "Noooo, it has to be you!" ... Perverted much? He followed me around like a lost puppy, even outside when I'd take a cigarette break.. He did not smoke mind you.

He eventually stopped with his creepy request but not before trying to touch me. I was walking around the lobby and he comes up to me so I ask him what happened to his crew (They leave before he does.) I asked if they leave without him because they don't like him. He then starts off with "THEY DON'T LIKE ME NO ONE LIKES ME I NEED A HUG" then reaches to me to hug me. I stammer with "I need to talk to the breakfast bar lady!" and book it across the lobby.

After these incidents he really begins to irritate me.. He is hanging off the desk every single morning and always asks how I am. I reply with "Tired." in hopes that the answer will make it go away. It does not work. In his mind I think that he believes I am not allowed to be tired ever, even though I work all night and he sees me at the end of my shift. I also believe he thinks that I was put on this planet to provide entertainment for him. He will stand at my desk looking like shit every morning (eyes all red, hair uncombed and just crappy looking) waiting for me to make conversation. I'm sorry, that's not part of my job description.

One morning he came up to the desk to annoy the hell out of me.. The scene went like so:

Me wrist deep in paperwork.
Old Guy hanging off the desk: Whats the weather today?
Me: I'm sorry, I haven't had a chance to watch it yet but if you turn around the forecast is on the tv right now.
Me: Well, so be it, sir.

Later on in the evening he came into the hotel around 11pm (Mind you he gets up at 5:30am). I was BS'ing with a guest and Old Guy stomps into the breakfast bar, then to the lobby. He says in the whiniest voice, "I'M HUUUUNNNGGRRRYYYYY!!" by the tone of his voice he expecting me to instantly drop everything I'm doing, and go back to the kitchen and make him food despite it not being within the operating hours for the breakfast bar. I told him that Mcdonalds and the local gas station were still open. He retorted with "I knew you'd say that!" I then asked him if he was psychic- to which he said "No. I knew you'd say that just like I knew you'd tell me to turn my head around this morning." I told him I was sorry and that I would have known the weather that morning but people kept talking to me and I didn't get a chance to watch it. He got an offended expression, said it was nice talking to me then went off to bed. He let me alone for the rest of the week! It was the best week ever.

That week of awesome went by quickly and Old Guy resumed his duty of hanging off the desk. Tuesday morning my fiance came in to keep me company. I was hoping his presence would keep Old Guy away. The A shift came in early to relieve me as I was not feeling well. She was talking to my Fiance and the executive housekeeper and Old Guy as I was running around collecting my belongings. I heard the A shift carrying on loudly about my engagement as I was in the back room- I really wish I could have been out there to see Old Guy's reaction. My fiance told me about it after work and it just.. made all the crap I've gone through worth it. It wasn't anything drastic.. Just a subtle change in expression.

I should probably tell you he expression that he always has whenever at the desk- ever go to a strip club and see the one old guy who you know hasn't seen any action in years in front of some young chick shaking her goods? Ever notice outer parts of their eyebrows are always raised and they have that creepy perv grin? That expression of "Ooh! She's going to invite me in the back room and give me a happy ending!" Yeah, that's the expression Old Guy has every time he's at the desk.

The A shift goes on about my engagement and Old Guy takes a step back from the desk and tilts his head down, staring at the ground. His eyebrows relaxed- he went from an expression of "EHEHEHEHEHE EVERY WOMAN WANTS ME" to "I'm a sad old man" Booyah. I won.

The last two nights of his stay, after he found out I was engaged- he started showing up at the desk at around 1am (mind you he gets up at 5:30am. I know this because I have to double check that wake-up call every night.) The first night he showed up he decided to tell me about how the waitresses at a local restaurant recommended a bar for him. I shut down the conversation by telling him I couldn't be paid enough to drink in this sorry town. He got that same offended look and went to bed. He didn't speak to me at all in the morning. Score!

The final night he stopped at the desk briefly to tell me he had been up drinking (Like I should be impressed?) and made a joke about "no rest for the wicked." - I told him "Why do you think I'm always up?" He asked me to change his wake-up call to 6am. He showed up in the lobby in his pajamas. How trashy is that? He got coffee and just groaned around looking like crap and scratching himself. How classy. The A shift showed up so I pretended to look busy when he came up, went into the back room for a bit and then booked it out of the hotel without having to say good bye to the jerk. I hope I never see his wrinkled face ever again.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Nothing gold can stay.

Well, my FOM just quit/fired (probably quit.)... Man, this sucks.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Is it really necessary..?

To have six pots of coffee out in a tiny hotel?

Monday, March 23, 2009

Is it that hard to not be terrible? Or retarded?

The as a guest is used for when I go to stores/hotels/etc.. so yeah.

I went to a diner.. a famous chain that's everywhere.. I work somewhat in the service industry and I'm pretty fucking awesome. I hate shitty service. I'm sure you guys hate shitty service also.. I just want to know why it is so fucking hard for some people to be nice- or not as much of a jerk even.

This particular experience.. my waitress happened to be a retard. Great. My fiance and I walked into the restaurant and saw her. We both had a moment of "Oh dear your god, please don't let her be our waitress." ... I think your god hates me. Because she was our waitress. Before she even gave us menus she stopped by the table and told we would need to wait because she has another table. One thing I've learned in hospitality is it's not what you say to someone, it's how you say it. And she said that little bit like we were the banes of her existence. Another waitress saw and actually came over and apologized about the retarded one.

We eventually got through the ordering process and all that shit. Just the idea of that waitress being around food sickens me- She was the type of tard that probably keeps her hands between her butt cheeks when not in use.

She also came up to the table about nine thousand times. Easily. "Is everything okay?" "How is everything?" "You guys doing okay?" When I eat, I want to be left alone. And I hate that waitress super ability to come over and ask you a question after you take a bite of mythic proportions.

It came time to tip. I left her a buck. I went up to pay with my debit card and there were people waiting to be seated. The waitress comes up, looks at me, looks at them, looks at me again.. Like she's a fucking deer in the headlights. I got kinda mad and told her to seat them first then take care of me. She then waddles back over to take care of me. She probably sat them, acted like their business doesn't matter and told them she needed to take care of me first. Fuck that shit. I go to tally the tip and total at the bottom of the bill- I left her a buck at the table (I usually tip well, but.. Yeah.) I X'ed out the tip slot and just put the total. She looks at the bill, sighs, and says to herself "No tip" in a sadsack tone. Wtf. I was starting to channel my inner loud, proud, large black woman but quickly calmed myself. I mean- you just don't do that shit. Manners, much?

I'm still throwing the idea around of calling their manager and speaking to them about her behavior- what do you think, guys?

... Fucking retards.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I think you need to be demoted to a sippy cup.

An old lady was getting coffee and walked over to help her self to a cookie or twelve and somehow dropped her cup of coffee. It went everywhere, or at least all over the floor. The old lady said something along the lines of "WHOOPSADAISY" so freakin' loud and just stood there like a small child that just shat itself and stared at me. All would have been forgiven if she would have came up to the desk quietly and said she had spilled a cup of coffee. Bonus points if she would have asked for something to clean it up with herself. But no. She stared at me waiting for me to magic the spill away. Hag.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009



*wipes tear from eye* ... So much win.

So in the breakfast bar area of the hotel there is a tiny fridge full of refrigerated treats (yogurt, milk, etc) and this tiny fridge is to remained locked at any time that is not breakfast time. A favorite past time of mine is watching guests walk around in the middle of the night and try to scavenge for some free food like the vultures they are. They will first hover around the coffee station and them make their way down the long counter, first pressing the buttons on the juice machine. The juice machine is turned off at any time that is not breakfast time. The guest will then walk on past the silverware, toasters, etc until they arrive at the fridge. Which they always try to open. Atleast twice. And I will stand behind the desk watching them fail. No one has ever asked me to for food after trying to open that locked refrigerator.

Monday, March 16, 2009

.. Really?

So I had my vacation- it was pure awesome. I finally got to see my friends, very awesome. I saw watchmen! Supremely awesome! And I slept like all night/day before work! Also awesome. I read the log book for the past couple days.. I was hoping something terrible would have happened (A full moon and Friday the 13th) but it seems everything was very nicey nice during my time off.

So anyway, I get back into work, I had my last arrival calling for directions every five minutes. If you listen to my directions it's actually very easy to get to us. But he was a kooky indian dude so.. yeah. 20minutes after he got off the exit (which I can see from the front door of my hotel) he finally arrives. I was in a fantastic mood so he got the star treatment.

About a half hour later I have this weird guy, in his 20's, come in. He had the voice of Peter Brady in the puberty voice changing episode. He had asked if I saw a guy.. He then described the guy- bearded.. oh wait, not full beard, he has a goatee now.. wearing a fleece.. and he is big. The weird guy even had to throw his shoulders forward to indicate a large dude.

I stood there thinking to myself, "Wtf. When did we become twelve?!"

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

All apologies!

Hey kids,

Sorry I've been neglecting you! I am a terrible parent! Hotel world has been absolutely crazy as of late and your dear Anon has been incredibly stressed out. If all works out- I shall have some vacation time next week. Wish me luck.